The questionnaire

I usually ignore questionnaires that come in the mail. I feel they are a waste of time, and usually mask some ulterior motive. Not only that, but the questions are often so one sided that an honest answer is impossible.

Recently I received two pages of questions so loaded that practically all the dots I would have filled in were in the “undecided” column.

Such as: “Should we work for serious tort reform to protect individuals and small businesses from predatory lawsuits?” What’s the matter with protecting all businesses from such suits? And what do “serious tort reform” and “predatory law suits” mean? Usually such definitions are in the minds of the beholder.

The last one on the list felt like I’d been tossed a grenade. “Do you agree that sowing the seeds of democracy and freedoms in the Middle East is a worthy goal?”

By what method, I wanted to know, before I gave anyone a blank check. If those “seeds” involve shrapnel and torture, I don’t think so. If they mean a grounds up education and enlightenment program, improving the economy and demonstrating that our social values are worthy of adoption, then I’d say that’s a good goal. But I wouldn’t use attempts to make Saudi Arabia a democracy as an example. That’s where their oil seems more important to us than enfranchising women or making them wipe out terrorist bases.

I marked “undecided” again.

This questionnaire came under the heading of “Republican Party Census Document,” sent to me because I’m a registered Republican. I have been since I started to vote, except for one exception, when I changed for a short time years ago in order to vote for a friend in a Democratic primary.

The Republican National Committee (RNC) is not the Republican Party, although it claims to be. Not my Republican Party, at least. Mine wouldn’t ask stupid questions like “Should Republicans fight for a balanced budget,” when they know that few Republican administrations, or congress members, including the present ones, have really fought hard for balanced spending. That would mean eliminating protective regulations, subsidies and pork, thus losing supporters.

Anyway, to make the old guard happy I filled in the “yes” dot, knowing this was a traditional part of the Republican field of dreams. I left one section blank. It started with “Yes, I support the RNC and am enclosing my most generous contribution of (up to $500 or more).” I had finally found the real purpose of the questionnaire. All that other stuff fit in with “Is the sky blue?”

I was tempted to fill their tongue-in-cheek dot next to “No, I favor selecting liberal Democrats over the next ten years,” but I resisted. I know that all Democrats are considered liberal by the Republican National Committee, so it was a loaded question even if it was facetious.

Now if they had asked whether I would consider electing a liberal Republican, I would have told them something they didn’t want to hear. Or even a “moderate Republican” or better still a “pragmatic Republican.” But no such luck. Anything left of conservative Republican doesn’t sit well with the RNC.

I could consider voting for a conservative Democrat without breaking with family tradition. My father, who could have had “GOP” embossed on his white business shirts, once admitted to voting for FDR—I think it was for his third term in 1940. That was a shock to his young son, who had been promoting Republican Wendell Willkie on the playground.

As it turned out, it was just as well that Mr. Willkie wasn’t elected. He wouldn’t have survived his first term, because he died of heart disease a month before it would have ended. It was right in the middle of the war, and the Republican running mate, senate minority leader Charles L. McNary of Oregon, died six months earlier than Mr. Willkie. Can you imagine being without a president or vice president about the time the Battle of the Bulge was about to begin?

Mr. Roosevelt died five months after his fourth term election in 1944, but by then we were on the road to victory. Republicans and John McCain take note. Be darn careful of who and how old the running mate is.

If the liberal Democrats have a questionnaire, I wish they would send me one. I would anticipate questions like:
—Should we get out of Iraq by Veterans Day?
—Should the government take over the stock market?
—Should all Americans receive a guaranteed income?
—Should we open our borders to our neighbors?
—Does a balanced budget really matter as long as there are hungry Americans?
—Should business be taxed heavily to ensure that all Americans have medical coverage?
—Should the Alternative Tax on income be retained at a fixed level despite inflation?
—Should the federal government be more involved in setting standards of education?
—Should the minimum wage be increased to bring everybody above the poverty level?
—Will you enclose a most generous contribution of $25, or at least $2.50 to cover the cost of this questionnaire?

I’d be surprised if they even offered a row of “Undecided” dots.

Copyright 2008 Champion Newspapers - Published April 12, 2008